Eighteen
by bclove
Summary: Set during season two, a terrible tragedy falls upon the Upper East Side, leading Blair and Chuck to push aside their hatred for each other, and pick up the pieces while trying not to fall for each other once again.
1. Chapter 1

"If you love me, won't you let me know?"

It should have been that simple to say, it should have been the one of the easiest statements, so straightforward and blunt. It was so honest and strong just to say it out loud, just to get straight to the point, and it took all the courage, took the courage that only Blair Waldorf could muster up. It only took a girl like Blair Waldorf to represent all of these things and to finally admit her feelings out loud.

But she hadn't mustered a single word. Hadn't defended a single point. Hadn't found the courage inside her to put up a fight. Blair Waldorf had failed.

In the midst of her senior year, life was not at its peak. She smiled occasionally, went about on her shopping sprees, excelled with her schoolwork, and enjoyed the solidity of Upper East Side balls, parties and soirees with the company of her best friend.

In all honesty, there was a hole in her heart. There was something missing. Senior year was supposed to be the best; she was supposed to be enjoying her out of lessons before she became serious with Yale. Before she became the successful, adult she was destined to be.

Was it a terrible cliché to admit that being without a boyfriend was sheer torture? It didn't have to be that way, but when you admit defeat with any ruins of the relationship with Chuck Bass, it was slightly hard to move on.

So she remained slightly bitter. Went about her days pretending she was okay. Went about her life pretending she didn't miss him, didn't want him…didn't love him.

It was sort of strange to silently admit that love might be present, but as long as Blair kept it silent, as long as Blair didn't admit it out loud, no one would know that Chuck Bass had successfully hurt her.

She would twist her chocolate curls between delicate fingers; gaze up into the sky, holding back a tear trying to wonder where it all went. How did their relationship fade away?

He had stood her up. Let her travel to another country without so much as a goodbye. She waited everyday, upon lying under the sun in France, waiting for his call, waiting for him to tell her he would be there shortly. Only when she boarded the French airlines on her way back to New York did it finally settle in that he wasn't coming. He was never coming.

Above all things Blair was angry. Blair was furious that he couldn't simply dump her, why he had to torture her slowly. Why he had to show her that deep, soft side of him at the Van der Bass wedding. Why he had wheeled her in when all he planned to do was spit her out.

Upon her return in the Hamptons, Blair certainly looked her best, was accompanied by an exquisite fake boyfriend, and fully equipped for a round of scandalous games that the two were so excellent at playing. What had changed was the surprise that neither of them were up for playing games. Not anymore. Something that summer had changed, and one day, while standing in the rain, face to face with each other, there were just no words to be exchanged. The only memory of that day was the hurt faces, the glares, and the hollow feeling of walking away, losing everything, and gaining nothing.

Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf were not able to fix the relationship that had tried to build. They had successfully kept a safe distance and managed not to speak to each other for months, which seemed to be so hard considering their whereabouts usually were near one another, but more shockingly, it seemed to be so easy for the two of them after everything that had happened.

There were times when Blair Waldorf would lie awake thinking of the time when her and Chuck had first slept together in the limo, and how easy it was to follow her desires and give into him. It hurt her till this day because even at the time, she had wished for their fling to go somewhere, _anywhere_, so that it would not feel like a one night stand.

But everything now just felt like one huge mistake, and at this very moment as Blair Waldorf exited Constance Billard and marched down the steps, she caught a glance of Chuck stepping into his limo, taking a quick look at Blair and holding his eyes on her for several moments. Blair stopped at the end of the steps, and used a free hand to hold together her thick cashmere coat which had unbuttoned at the top. A chilly breeze shuddered by and fanned Blair's thick curls to the side as her cheeks blushed and her eyes moistened. He finally sat himself into the limo and shut the door loudly as Blair was left motionless in place.

Blair shook her head in disappointment. All she ever had to do was tell him how she felt, and she hadn't. All those opportunities, like the one that had just past her by now, would keep passing her by and she only had herself to blame.

Blair Waldorf had courage, and all it took was courage to muster up those few simple words. But she had ultimately failed. Blair Waldorf had failed herself for the first time.

* * *

"HAPPY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY BLAIR!" The teens all shouted at the tops of their lungs.

Blair Waldorf smiled prettily and leant down to blow out the candles on her exquisite cake. When all that was left in the dark air was the aroma of candles, and a fresh mist of gray smoke, everyone clapped and soon returned to their places at her stylishly themed party.

Blair stayed by the table and somehow magically found her champagne flute, before lifting it up to her plump lips and taking a long swig. Serena was at her side cutting the first slice and handing it out to the nearby guests. Blair glanced at her side and couldn't help but giggle. Serena liked to think they were just average people at a small family party, and she had the motherly duty of cutting cake, and entertaining arriving guests.

Blair's eighteenth birthday was not anything near a small get together or family event. It was even better than her seventeenth, and all her other ones for that matter. Instead of being set in an Upper East Side apartment, the whole penthouse of the Palace hotel had been rented out. All the seniors and random invites were dressed exquisitely in head to toe couture, while they socialized in an endless amount of suites, guzzling Veuve Cliquot champagne (Blair's favorite) and frozen martinis. To send off the 'birthday party' vibe, electric blue, silver, and baby blue colored balloons were set up everywhere. The same colored lights were set up all over the penthouse, as music blasted from the Bose sound system, while the music videos for the said sounds were projected on all the plasma TV's hooked on the walls.

As for food, room service was ordered endlessly, supplying the underage teens with an endless supply of sushi, filet mignon, or liquor-whatever their hearts desired. The bar was in a full swing and new drinks were being made each minute. Some of the guests could have the pleasure of partying on the balcony, or stepping into the large Jacuzzi on the other end of the penthouse. A view of New York City at night was present from all angles, and it truly looked like everyone was having the time of their life at Blair's hotel party.

Blair couldn't help but look down and grin to herself. She of course looked the best at the party, dressed in an elegant but stylish strapless, grape colored Chanel dress, and metallic Manolo stilettos. On her head was the amazing crown Serena had ordered especially tonight, sparkling and gleaming from the Swarovski crystals encrusted on it.

She looked fabulous, she felt fabulous and upon taking another sip of her champagne she placed a hand on her neck and instantly remembered that she gone bare necked, not deciding between a single necklace in fear of remembering how only a year ago Chuck Bass had given her the most gorgeous of diamond necklaces to wear.

Blair shook off the familiar memory and went back to attending her party. She moved across the large living area which appeared to be the dance floor. She squeezed by all the sweaty, dancing bodies into one of the hallways that would lead her into a more quiet area. Serena would probably wonder where she went, but Blair didn't seem to mind, she wasn't in the mood for cake anyway.

It was a few minutes till midnight and Blair had to try to find some alone space to shake off yet another memory of how her perfect ex-boyfriend always called her at the exact minute that brought in midnight. Nate Archibald was somewhere in the party and he and Blair only exchanged a few words and glances. It was strange, almost acting like they had never been a couple some time ago. But her heart wasn't exactly set on him anymore.

As Blair moved down towards the bedrooms, she was careful to knock on a few doors or to at least check if they were "occupied" at the moment. When she approached the farthest door at the end of the hall, she opened it slowly; noticing that only a dim light illuminated the room. It looked cozy and quiet, and she was almost positive that no one was in there, and that it's far location would make it simple for her not to be disturbed.

As she walked in, she turned her body completely to shut the door behind her, when she turned around to face the room; she pressed her body against the closed door quickly as she gasped in shock.

Sitting on the corner of the bed was none other than Chuck Bass, holding a nearly empty glass of scotch. He cocked his head to the side slowly and watched Blair for several moments, who kept her body firm against the door, her breath hitched in her throat.

"Happy Birthday." He mumbled softly, almost earnestly.

Blair could feel all of the alcohol going straight to her head. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. It was strange finally being alone with him in a room. They hadn't spoken in months, and being in such a _familiar_ situation should have made her feel slightly at ease, but within seconds she felt fury for him abandoning her and making her feel so completely worthless this past summer.

"Sorry to disturb you, I imagine you were waiting for some other girl to come in here." She said coldly as she slowly tried to turn her body so that she could leave fast. But she was frozen. She couldn't explain the feeling, but she was so stunned, so angry and hurt all at the same time it made it physically impossible for her to move.

With a shaky hand, she trembled to use her free hand to turn the knob of the closed door her back was still pressed against. When Chuck noticed her jagged movements, he quickly rise off the bed and walked up to her.

His movement was so sudden, Blair felt even more stunned, like she was in some sort of surreal dream. Within seconds his body was pressed up against her and his head was moving in closer to her face.

Blair closed her eyes slowly, not sure if she felt more afraid, or more at ease of the signals he was sending her. She half expected her body to give into him before her mind decided what was right. In all reality she wanted nothing more than wrap her arms around him, let him take her away, just give into him so slightly. In her mind, for a mere second, she truly believed that finally letting him in would let her out of this darkness she was trapped in.

But he made no move, didn't press his lips against her like she had expected. Instead the only thing she could feel was his warm breath tickling the delicate skin of her neck, as he used his right hand to lock the door behind them.

Blair's eyes snapped open within the second she heard the door lock, and all of a sudden, her jaded, sensual dream was disturbed and she was back to feeling unbelievably awkward and shameful in front of him.

"What are you going to rape me now?" she spat out without thinking.

He leaned back almost instantly as soon as she was done speaking. She could tell that he was contemplating on what he should say next, which was very not…Chuck. Usually within seconds he would reply something witty and sarcastic. But the evidence of the relationship's endless complications was ever more obvious by the way Blair and Chuck could act so completely different around each other.

"Actually I think this is the only way you and I will ever talk…is if I hold you hostage." He said simply, keeping his eyes on hers.

Blair looked down at her shoes, unable to keep her eye contact on that heated gaze that made her feel so hot, and completely nervous, all at the same time.

When she didn't reply, he took the initiative to take a step closer to her, this time he used his physical actions to try and slowly possess her, lure her in like he had done so many times before.

Blair closed her eyes again, but this time only for a brief second as he pressed up against her hard. She could feel his erection, firm against her, and the heat coming off of his body. Blair tried hard not to give in, and so she pressed her head against the back of the door.

Chuck didn't oblige, instead he closed his eyes and went in for a kiss, urgent, demanding, but passionate. For a few seconds, Blair let him kiss her, and upon debating whether she should respond, and curl her fingers in his hair while letting his tongue enter her mouth, she pushed him off with the little bit of strength she had.

He opened his eyes and looked at her confusingly.

In her head, she was already shaking her head in disappointment although she could not physically make herself do it out loud. She felt that burn inside of her again, that pain that had been killing her, that physical agony of being hurt.

It had only taken her a brief moment within the kiss to realize that he was completely drunk. She should have sensed it really, but as soon as she tasted the crisp liquid on his tongue, she immediately felt turned off. She was over them being physical. Although he still had his touch, she couldn't bring herself to get wrapped up in his games again. This wasn't about sex anymore, she wanted the real thing with him, and he didn't understand that.

He stumbled back unevenly, bringing a hand over his face, and suddenly he looked a lot more drunk that before, as if the whiskey, vodka, or whatever the hell he was drinking went straight to his head.

"I would never hurt you." He slurred, finally responding to her "rape" comeback that had escaped her lips moments before. It was one of the most ironic things he had ever said.

She looked at him for several moments longer, thinking that maybe if she continued watching him in his most pathetic state, that she would truly become disgusted with him, and possibly stop loving him. But it would never work.

"Stay away from me Chuck Bass." She said sharply before putting all her anger into strength and finally opening the door behind her, and running out.

Once she was outside, moving quickly down the hall, back into the party, back into life, where she felt slightly better, surrounded by the aroma of normalcy, fun, and mental escape.

As she moved deeper into her own party, deeper into the midst of cocktails, blaring music, and happy, dancing classmates she wished that maybe her mind would not play tricks on her, wouldn't be so naive so that she could escape traps like Chuck Bass, because he _was_ a trap, but what was evermore disappointing, and what would always be the deepest, sneakiest trap to Blair Waldorf, was her own tender heart, which still beat fastly and heavily for _only_ Chuck Bass.

* * *

Serena Van der Woodsen ran up to Blair as soon as she saw her friend putting on her designer coat.

"B where are you going?" Serena asked giddily.

Blair tried to return the smile, and put on a faux one for the meantime. The Chuck incident had happened a few hours ago, and Blair wasn't even quite sure if Chuck was still at the party, or if he was still a drunken mess in that room. "I'm not feeling good, I definitely need to leave." Blair stated firmly, putting her hands on top of Serena and smiling for real this time. "Thank you so much for everything; this was amazing what you did."

Serena looked around quite pleased with her work, herself. The party was still in full swing, not surprisingly, and Serena was slightly disappointed that Blair wouldn't be staying a while longer, considering the party was for her. "I wish you could stay longer though, do you want me to leave with you?"

"No it's fine, you stay a little longer, have fun." Blair offered generously.

Serena smiled. She was never one to _leave_ parties. But then within a moment, Serena's expression went to a very serious one and she stepped closer to Blair. "Have you seen Chuck? Has he bothered you tonight?" she whispered.

Blair closed her eyes momentarily wishing that she didn't display her emotions so easily. She hated that Serena knew her too well, and she hated that even hours after the Chuck incident, he was still the only thing on her mind. "No, he doesn't matter to me." She said quickly, hoping that Serena would buy it. "And he'll be gone for a while anyway, so I won't need to see him." Blair added.

"Oh yeah, you're totally right." Serena said flakily. She suddenly remembered that in a few hours her and her lovely little family would be boarding the plane on a trip to Bermuda. "You'll miss me though right?" Serena asked with a coy smile.

Blair smiled. "Of course S!" she responded enthusiastically before wrapping her arms around her only true best friend. Blair had to admit, even after the way Serena had screwed up, she truly did learn how to prove herself to be a great best friend. Because of Blair's spectacular birthday, Serena had begged her mother and Bart to postpone the trip a day, just for Blair. It really meant a lot to Blair.

"I won't be gone for long though so don't miss me too much!" Serena said back as she watched Blair now exit the party.

Blair turned around once more, smiling and waving right before the elevator doors closed, separating them.

As soon as Blair stepped outside, she knew that it was going to be a very bitter winter. The air was unbearably cold and her little dress beneath a fashionable lightweight coat wasn't helping any.

As she moved a little down the sidewalk she noticed her limo wasn't there, and suddenly felt extremely stupid for not remembering to call her driver.

_That's what you get for drinking too much_. Blair reminded herself.

She stood there in the middle of a deserted street at about three in the morning, tapping her stiletto impatiently on the ground. With each time she exhaled, she could see her own breath, and with each chilly breeze that passed, another tear slithered down her cheek.

She had no gloves, no hat, and no scarf. Feeling even more stupid, she used her left hand to reach up and thumb the crown still placed firmly on her head. She suddenly felt very dumb looking very close to either a child or some type of lost princess.

Just then a very familiar limo pulled up. It rested in front of her, on the curb momentarily, before a door opened. "Take it or leave it. I don't think I need to tell you that it's a cold night." A deep voice called out.

Blair bit her bottom lip and looked around one last time. There was no way she was going back up into the party, and there was absolutely no way she was walking home, let alone resort to some disease-ridden form of public transportation.

Without much thought she quickly placed herself in Chuck Bass's limo and shut the door next to her. She didn't even look at him, didn't give him the slightest bit of attention, as the limo slowly crawled its way to her apartment.

He moved hesitantly, and seemed to clear his throat many times, as if he had something to say. Just then as the limo neared her house, she felt him slide over his seat so that he was dangerously close to her.

"Chuck, just stop." Blair said hastily, pushing him away from her.

"No." He said sternly, trying to put up a fight.

She tried pushing him off again, but his face was too close to hers and with each breath he took she could smell the fresh alcohol he had just consumed. Her eyes moved all around the limo and next to him all she could see was the half empty bottle of liquor. She closed her eyes in disgust, once again. This was all he was.

_He only wants me when he's drunk, when he's so completely out of his skin, so that he isn't ashamed to admit his feelings for me_. She reminded herself, trying desperately to use all her willpower to keep him away.

"You could have had me, but you threw me away! You lost me okay?" she snapped back angrily, loudly.

He backed off for the moment, taking the moment to try and gaze into her eyes. He was so damn drunk off his ass though, that he couldn't even fully process what she had just said to him.

"Well I want to find you." He slurred, grinning obnoxiously now, his hand now on her thigh, not moving, just tormenting her.

Just then the limo came to a stop, and Blair used her hand to open the door. She used the other hand to push his hand off of her creamy thigh. "And you couldn't find me at the bottom of the bottle?" she asked sadly, before running out of the limo, into her apartment where she fell on her bedroom floor, in a sea of tears, swearing to herself that she would do whatever it took to never look at Chuck Bass again.

* * *

She awoke with a start when she heard the sound of the elevator doors opening, and that light bell's noise that signaled that a guest was exiting the elevator. She turned to her side and glanced at the clock. It was only eleven a.m. Her mother was out of town and surely wouldn't call this early on a Saturday, her father was doing God knows what with his gay French boyfriend, and Serena surely wouldn't have landed this quick, although her flight was very early in the morning.

She quickly grabbed a white silk robe and wrapped it around her tired body as she descended down the stairs only to meet Chuck Bass's form, standing in the center of her foyer, looking completely disheveled from head to toe…and shaking.

"Chuck, what the fuck?" she demanded angrily. She was so furious, so confused for why he would go completely out of character and showing up this early to start up another charade with her.

He ran his hands over his face, his eyes were bloodshot, his skin was pale, and his hands were trembling. He didn't respond, just shook his head back and forth, looking like he was on the verge of tears.

For a moment Blair Waldorf grew up, and she realized that Chuck was here to tell her something _important_. He wasn't here for her, their shattered, tangled web of a relationship…and he wasn't here to play games. There was a reason why he wasn't on that flight with Serena and the rest of their family, going straight to Bermuda.

She wasn't sure why but she softened for a moment, and took a step closer to him, and reached out for his hands. "What is it?" she asked, almost scared for what was about to come out of his mouth.

It took five long months for her and Chuck to finally speak again, as they did tonight. It took four long hours for Blair to finally stop thinking of Chuck and the ways he had hurt her, and finally get herself to fall asleep. It took three long minutes for him to finally say what he had come to tell her, two seconds for her to even register a response, and one moment for her to realize that her life had only just begun to fall apart.


	2. Chapter 2

She couldn't breathe. Couldn't muster any sort of reply, couldn't evoke any physical sign of emotions. She just stood there sullenly, like stone, and remained frozen, until she crumbled. She crumbled hard and fast, and hit the ground in seconds.

Her body was in such physical shock that she couldn't even attempt to think, couldn't set her mind to do anything. She wasn't sure if she was crying, and if she started, if she would even be able to stop.

In most circumstances, Blair would need details, would prefer to have the truth stated a few more times, have someone explain when, where, and why…but as soon as Chuck had said it, Blair couldn't help but believe him instantly. She couldn't put up a fight, couldn't demand answers, and force a reason.

"Are you certain?" Was the first response to escape her lips.

He only nodded. She looked up at him, the light from the chandelier blinded her tear stained eyes. She looked up at him sadly, desperately. She looked so fragile and broken, and Chuck who wasn't exactly crying, definitely looked destroyed over the matter. His hair was uncombed, and looked like a tangled mess, he didn't even look like he had the opportunity to shower and shave.

He crouched down beside her on the marble floor of her foyer, but he appeared unsure of what to do, how to comfort the girl beside him. They both sat beside each other for a while, not moving, not speaking, and barely breathing. They were both positive that everything was definitely not going to be okay.

Chuck felt a pain deep in his gut and was slightly astonished that such a cold person as himself could even feel this bad, but the more he looked at Blair the more he felt misery. He knew that she would never be the same. The more he gazed at her; he could already see the signs of an early, very deep depression. Her skin was paled; lips dry and chapped, hair and appearance uncared for. He knew she would feel like this for maybe forever, and the more he let himself desire her, the more he felt that she would drag him down into that dark place she was near.

Her head moved slightly towards where he sat, and even though she didn't turn to look him directly in the eye, he knew that her attention was focused on him somewhat.

He put his hand on the small of her back and caressed her gently, not quite sure what to do. He wanted to numb some of the pain, erase some of it from her expression, but it was inevitable.

Before he knew it she was moving her body so that she was on the cold marble floor, lying flat on her back, gazing up at the chandelier in some sort of trance. Chuck shook his head in disappointment. He could see her lips moving, her fingers curling up and pointing towards the chandelier. She was already losing it.

Chuck leaned back so that he was lying down next to her. She turned her head slightly and looked him in the eyes for a short moment. In reality she felt disgusted. Disgusted with herself for drowning all her thoughts and attention into Chuck Bass when there was a real world out there. When there were bigger things happening, things that mattered way more than their little twisted relationship. She closed her eyes trying desperately to restrict any more tears from falling. She ran her delicate hands over her face.

If there was one thing they were both glad for was strangely the presence of one another. They had both been delivered the worst news of their life, but somehow it seemed strange to have the one person you hated beside you, just so you knew you weren't alone.

"Let's go to sleep." Blair mumbled, trying to feel comfortable. "When we wake up, this will all just be a dream, a very bad dream…when we wake everything will be okay." She finished off in a light cooing tone.

Chuck closed his eyes too, wishing that Blair's words were true. But they weren't. They were both just in denial. When Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf would wake, they would quickly realize that nothing would have gotten better, and that their lives were not that glistening dream they imagined.

* * *

When Blair woke, Chuck was gone. Though it wasn't completely unusual, Blair still felt the sharp pain when she arose and quickly realized that she was alone. He had abandoned her once _again_.

Her body felt stiff and uncomfortable, she was cold from lying on the marbled floor, her head was pounding with confusion and as soon as she rose on both legs, she immediately felt weak.

Nausea swept over her again, and she put a small hand over her stomach, trying to will herself not to be sick.

She moved towards the stairs, and climbed up them slowly. Once she reached her room she shut the door behind her and stood in front of her closet for what felt like forever.

She began rummaging through her clothes, throwing them in all directions, pulling at all the exquisite garments, treating them like trash and pulling at them roughly, discarding them without value.

She did this for hours until her room laid a complete mess. Her mind was racing with crazy thoughts. All of her accessories, headbands, shoes, and outfits lay in rumpled piles everywhere, except for all of her black clothes which had a special spot on her bed.

She screamed as she went through her clothes. Began raking her nails over her face, trying to make herself feel some sort of pain, any pain but the one she was feeling now. After her rage, she sat in the heap of black clothes on her bed, and lifted a few pieces up beside her before throwing them on the ground in anger.

She sat on her bed for a while longer, completely motionless, just staring at her surroundings, still in a state of shock.

She finally rose off the bed and moved towards her dresser and picked up her phone. There were missed calls from almost everyone. Chuck of course had been the first. Then Nate, her father, then her mother, and surprisingly even Dan. But not Serena.

Fury rushed into her face and she flipped open the phone instantly dialing the familiar number of her best friend. It was no shock when there was no answer. Her phone was either off or disconnected, Blair couldn't be sure. She still held the phone against her ear for a few silent moments before she finally opened her plump lips to speak.

"I wish I was happy." She whispered pathetically. "This couldn't really have happened." She continued. "Please reach me."

She shut the phone and turned her own off completely, not quite ready to speak to anyone else.

Just then her door opened and there stood Chuck Bass, once again. She didn't move, didn't say anything, because she truly couldn't feel anything. She was almost positive now that she felt nothing for him, for all she felt was pain at this moment.

"What are you doing?" he murmured, shutting the door behind him. This time he looked more put together, all though he still didn't look like typical Chuck. He wore jeans and a dark shirt, and this time around he looked like he may have taken a few cold showers.

He stepped into the room; put his hands in his pockets, as if he was nervous. "Blair I asked you a question." He stated firmly.

Blair snapped out of her daze and crossed her arms, walking over to the bed. "I'm looking for something to wear." She spat out unevenly.

Chuck closed his eyes and then put his hands over his face. He walked over to her and looked around once more before bending down and picking up a few articles of clothing off the ground. He then walked over to the closest and chest of drawers and began putting her things away.

He turned around. "Sit down Blair." He said softly, not at all demanding, but for the intent of making her more comfortable. She listened to his gentle command and placed her small bottom on her bed as she watched him clean up the mess she made. It was so _unlike _him. She didn't even know he knew how to hang up clothes, or clean for that matter.

"Why are you doing this?" she mumbled, timidly.

He turned around; still grabbing the items tossed everywhere, and stared at her long and hard for a few minutes. "You know why." He said back.

She shook her head like a little girl and began fingering the black clothes around her again, trying to multitask and wonder what she should wear.

He must have felt the response she was giving him, even with his back turned to her. "You're a mess Blair. I spoke to your mother, and she's on her way home. She asked me to look after you in the meantime."

Blair shook her head confusingly. "Why would my mother contact you?" she asked, but wish she hadn't as soon as she was done saying it. It stung and she knew it was incredibly rude. It was maybe the one thing she shouldn't have said.

She covered her mouth innocently. "I'm sorry I-"

He dropped whatever was in his hand. "You're what?" he said loudly, clearly growing angry with her. "You know damn well why your mother called me. Are you disappointed that she didn't send Nate over here, or one of your mindless girlfriends?"

Blair shook her head. She couldn't even fight back, because she knew she was wrong, and she didn't even have the strength.

He stopped cleaning and stood in front of her for a long time. "I'm sorry for shouting." He began softly. "I know this is especially hard on you, but it is for me too Blair and you know damn well that my father and I could have very well been on that plane. But we're here, I'm here, and we only have each other right now."

"Oh God." Blair mumbled, lying down on the bed, now curling herself up into a ball.

Chuck took a few steps closer and stared long and hard at the black clothing on her bed. He began picking up the black clothes before Blair shot up and tried grabbing them away from him. "No Chuck!"

Chuck shook his head, agitated. "Enough Blair!" he screamed, taking them away from her.

She stood up now, standing before him, standing face to face. "I need something to…" she began, but found herself choking with the words, felt her voice so uneven, so weak, so clearly broken. "I need something to…" she tried again but this time looked down ashamed, putting a hand over her mouth. "I need something to wear to the funeral!" she shouted, as she lifted her head up to look at him straight in the eye.

When she looked up, she felt even more pain. Standing before her was Chuck with his hands on his hips, tears in his eyes.

They both looked at each other for only a second longer before Chuck took a step forward and trapped her in his arms.

Blair fell apart instantly, wrapping herself around him eagerly, finally letting the tears come out. She cried so hard, for the first time, into him and knew that she couldn't stop.

Chuck held onto her so tightly, so securely. He kissed the top of her head lightly, still holding her tightly, pressing his cheek against the top of her head, closing his eyes. The more he felt her shake and tremble in his arms, the more pain he felt. Never once had he felt so broken over something, but after seeing Blair in her saddest state, he knew that his life would never be the same.

Blair finally cried for the first time, and she did it with Chuck. She wasn't sure why, but seeing him as hurt as she was, finally let her trust him, give into him.

She held onto him for what felt like forever, unable to let go, not wanting to let go. Chuck, who still held her without any sign of hesitation or discomfort, wished that Blair's tears would come to an end.

"Is this really happening?" she choked between her loud cries.

Chuck only nodded, feeling even hollower. He thought of how sad this girl was, how right before he opened her bedroom door he knew that she would be in a fit of misery. He had heard the phone call she made, and he knew it was Serena that she was calling. He couldn't help but shake his head in disappointment and remorse as he heard how fragile Blair sounded.

"_I wish I was happy. This couldn't really have happened…please reach me." _He heard echoing in his head and even he had to try to restrain himself from crying as hard as Blair was.

"I'm so sorry Blair." He said gently. He wasn't even sure why he said it. Wasn't quite sure of the reason. Sure he was sorry about the tragedy, but it wasn't as if it wasn't affecting him either. He felt that his apology was directed towards Blair only. He was so sorry that she was falling apart.

Blair's small hand squeezed his shoulder and she rubbed her tear stained cheek against his chest. He felt so warm and nice, but Blair couldn't quite put her finger on why she felt so safe at this moment.

And then it made sense. It didn't matter what they used to be, what they could be. Although she was still shattered, still clearly depressed, she knew that maybe she could live as long as she had a friend, even if that friend was Chuck. If he stayed here for her, looked out for her… than maybe she would be okay.

But first thing's first, she finally had to admit the truth out loud.

"Is she really gone?" she mumbled, unsteadily.

Chuck cursed himself, bit his lip and closed his eyelids tightly. He had to tell her once more, for the last time, so that she believe him. She would need to believe him. She would need to trust him from this point forward.

_I'm Sorry Blair_. He thought to himself silently. She would stay sad a while longer after what he was about to say, for the second time. It was cold, it was hard, it was blunt, but he needed to make her realize what everything was, what everything was in this world.

"Yes Blair. She's gone." He mumbled, keeping his eyes shut the entire time he said it, even his voice was cracking. "Serena's dead."


End file.
